Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
