he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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