either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
