I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
