you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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