so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
