what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
