I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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