you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
