Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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