and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
