I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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