Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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