i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
