Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
