So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
