Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Randomize
