Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
