so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need water and some morals
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
