lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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