My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
