God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
