so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
