this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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