I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
