Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
