If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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