oh god the rape fog is back!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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