you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
