Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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