May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
