wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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