He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
