you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
