did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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