All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
