WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
