I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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