I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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