When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
