RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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