the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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