were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
