We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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