it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
