Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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