I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
