well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
