mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
