As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I checked into jail on foursquare
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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