What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
