i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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