literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
