fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
