Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
