I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
